Losing You
by Amy Renee
Summary: A somewhat brotherly moment after "It's the Great Pumpkin, Sam Winchester."


_Losing You_

Takes place after Its the Great Pumpkin, Sam Winchester, when Dean sees Sam using his abilities on Samhain after he said he was done with them.

I do not own Supernatural.

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Dean hadn't said anything to Sam about using his powers to banish Samhain. In fact, Dean hadn't said anything at all. Sam half expected him to blow up like he did when he first found out that Sam had used them. Then again, his brother didn't need to say anything; Dean's look had said it all. He wasn't angry as much as he was hurt. That look of disappointment had bore right into Sam, and he still felt guilty, ashamed.

Sam had meant to keep his promise. He really did. He tried to do things his brother's way and use the knife, but when it was knocked away and Samhain came at him, Sam reacted with the only thing he had left to defend himself. In so doing he had saved not only his life, but his brother's and the towns' as well. But now, despite that, he began to wonder whether it had been worth it to have Dean look at him like that, to have broken his promise to his brother. Again. Maybe it was a promise that could never be kept in the first place.

His thoughts were interrupted as Dean reentered the motel room. Sam looked up and watched him walk past him to the other bed where some of his belongings and his duffle bag lay.

"You almost packed?" he asked Sam.

"Uh, yeah" Sam said clearing his throat.

Dean began folding the clothes on his bed and placing them inside his bag as Sam was finishing doing the same.

"Good cause' I think we should hit the road before someone notices a bunch of desecrated corpses and a missing art teacher" Dean said somewhat nonchalantly.

Sam only nodded and it was silent again.

"Hey, Dean" Sam said cautiously after a moment. Dean looked up at Sam as he seemed to search for what to say next.

"Sam" Dean sighed.

Sam was worried that Dean would be angry and not hear him out, that he would cut him off before he could even try to explain what happened, but he had to let him know.

"I tried to use the knife, Dean, but I couldn't get to it in time."

"Sam" Dean said simply.

To Sam's surprise his brother's tone didn't seem agitated. He watched his face closely. Dean was hunched over the end of his bed, his right side to Sam, and his head hung low. He looked up at the wall, then over to Sam.

Dean stood up with a weary sigh and walked closer to where his brother was standing. Sam just watched quizzically and somewhat worriedly, his brow furrowing a little, unsure of what to expect.

Dean now stood a few feet from Sam. He looked down briefly, then back up at his little brother. His expression was fairly blank, but Sam saw no malice in it. If anything he looked tired. His eyes however, showed a glimmer of dejection that Sam could read fairly clearly.

"You once told me that you wished I would just be your brother again."

Sam's words echoed back to him:

"_I just wish you would drop the show and be my brother again."_

"I just wish you would be _mine_ again" Dean finished.

Sam caught the catch in Dean's voice and looked to his older brother. Tears now welled in Dean's eyes and they were sorrowful and almost pleading.

"I mean, the keeping secrets, the lying, these powers" Dean spat, frustrated, as tears began to fall down his face and he shifted in place, throwing his hands on his hips then back down as he turned back to face Sam. Dean didn't have to say what he meant. Sam knew.

"I'm losing you, Sammy" he choked out.

Sam just stood there, a tear now sliding down from his watery eyes. Dean was right. He hadn't truly thought about how there seemed to be a distance between them, and it just kept getting bigger, and deep down, they both knew it. God, this wasn't what he had wanted.

"Dean" he said whole-heartedly, his voice laced with apology and sorrow. Dean turned back to his brother. They held eye contact for a moment before Dean closed the few feet between them and wrapped his little brother in an embrace.

"I don't wanna lose you, Sammy" Dean said into Sam's shoulder.

Sam just squeezed his brother a little tighter, because the truth was, he could offer no words of comfort because he didn't know if he could stop what was happening, stop the wedge that kept forcing them further apart, and he didn't want to make anymore false promises.


End file.
